I think the “you can always contact the American Embassy if your partner isn’t treating you right” statement may be incorrect. (Or, maybe it’s only incorrect for ADOS.)

1) Your statement assumes the person would have any physical freedom to get to the embassy.

2) It also assumes the embassy will actually do anything to help.

Many years ago, my former husband and his then girlfriend assaulted me and tried to steal my children from me. Luckily the cops were called, but I was locked out of our home so I couldn’t retrieve the children’s passports to take them back to the U.S. I was trapped in Mexico for months trying to get sufficient paperwork to get my kids home. The embassy’s “help” was to give me a list of lawyers I could call. And, unfortunately, calling one of those lawyers is a crap shoot. You stand a very good chance of getting a scammer who’s just trying to take your American dollars.

Instead, I would encourage people to get connected with the expat community whereever they live and network heavily in case they need assistance. Make sure you join local expat groups, for example, writing groups or book clubs, and go regularly so if you don’t turn up, people start checking for you. Do not rely on the embassy to help you if there’s a domestic dispute. Date someone in person in the U.S. for one or two years and visit their home country with a solid return date several times before deciding to move somewhere with them. And, do background checks. Even foreign nationals who live in the U.S. legally may have questionable side-hustles. Do both domestic and international background checks before leaving the country with them.

And, before anyone says anything about trust and love, I am a big fan of love. I believe the Beatles song. And, I believe we live in tricky times that require a little more due diligence than I’ve thought about before. I’ve suffered the consequences of trusting in love without additional due diligence and would not wish it on my worst enemy.

Be safe out there y’all.